i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
