end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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