I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
