Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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