i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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