One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
