I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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