i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
