plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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