you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
