I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
