I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
