wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
