remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
