last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
