I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
