Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
