Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
