I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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