don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
