Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
