Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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