This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
