were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
