Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
