I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
