i permit you to call me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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