I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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