If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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