Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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