he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
