I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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