I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
