Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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