highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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