Acid is not a monday night drug
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
