If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
