WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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