in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
