We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
