so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
