He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
even my farts smell like vagina
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
