I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
