Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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