Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
