Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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