i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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