He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
