he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
