today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
